how great our joy.

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2

today was my church's 7th annual "Stabs of Joy" service where Pastor Harling allows the congregation to share the times in the past year where God has moved them and given them joy. i thought about standing up to share mine but realized even if i tried, i wouldn't be able to make it through without crying. so i decided i could share mine here where it doesnt matter if i cry. you won't see me but only read my words.

my first two stabs of joy are from the same family. kaylee grace and analise faith. i have been blessed to babysit these two beautiful girls every day during summer and Christmas break. these girls teach me new things every day, from patience to the new games to play at school. but i need to explain why they are my daily stabs of joy.

kaylee grace, who is 6 now, was diagnosed a few years ago with a developmental delay in speech. at the age of 3, kaylee was still using grunts and noises to communicate. by the age of 4, she still had not begun to talk in full sentences but only used single words or just a few worded sentence to get her point across. finally at the age of 5, kaylee began talking like normal. and now that she has finally opened her mouth, she is never quiet. sometimes i have to admit, it drives me crazy, but God reminds me that just a year ago, kaylee wasn't talking. now i love to hear her talk to me. sometimes i beg her to tell me about her day at school or some new friends she met on the playground. i love the fact that she screams my name everytime she sees me. like the other night i walked into the gym where our youth group meets and kaylee was inside with her dad. i didnt even get through the door without her running up to me, screaming my name and jumping into my outstretched arms. my favorite thing to talk about with kaylee is her love for Jesus. i catch her singing "Jesus Loves Me" all the time. i love hearing her sing to Veggietales or praise songs like "Here I am To Worship." whenever i hear her sing, i immediately thank God for the blessing of having kaylee in my life. she is truly a miracle child.

"He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God..." Psalm 40:3

and now analise faith. analise is two and acts as though she's older than kaylee. my sweet, sweet lisie...this child is absolutely hysterical. i can only hope and pray that i have a little girl as funny as she is. but analise surprised me the other day. she's learning to talk and sometimes she'll repeat what i say. i've even taught her what certain animals say. that may be one of the funniest things she does. but anyways, after their bathtime the other night, i had analise in her room changing her into her pajamas. i had the Hillsong United's "Solution" stuck in my head and i started singing the part that says "Whoa-ah oh, God be the solution". and lisie started singing it back to me. then we both were singing at the top of our lungs. it reminded me of having a child-like faith. the innocence of a child can teach an adult such amazing things. kaylee and analise trust and depend on me for most of their things during the day. and to see lisie singing a simple song she doesnt know only showed a preview to what i hope will be a strong Christian walk. i want so badly to sing along with God when i dont know whats going on. analise has such a caring heart and somehow she knows when i've had a rough day. when i arrived at their house monday morning, i wasn't in the best mood and i guess lisie understood that i wasn't too happy. as soon as i walked in the door, she ran to me and threw her arms around my neck. she never left my side the entire day. thank you God for this child and her sweet heart.

"And He said, 'I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven." Matthew 18:3

my next stab of joy will definitely bring tears to my eyes. this person has shown me faith in ways i've never seen before. i know he was placed in my life for a reason.

on october 20th, of this year, i received one of the worst phone calls of my life. i hope and pray i won't ever get a call like this again. as i answered my phone with an excited "hey you!" my best friend's voice was filled with sorrow and pain. he simply said my name and by his tone i knew something was terribly wrong. as i asked what had happened, he said my name again and then told me the terrible news that his father had died. i hit the floor in my hallway and started crying. i asked him how and he could barely get it out. i'll never forget the sound of his voice as he asked me over and over again "what am i going to do?" to be honest, i had no clue. the sound of him sobbing is played in my head on the daily. as we hung up the phone, i stayed on my knees, with my face to the floor and cried out to God. i was angry. i was confused. why did this happen? my best friend's father as an amazing man who truly loved God with everything in him. why? my best friend did not deserve to feel pain like this. i didn't understand why. it was at this time, i realized i needed to call my parents and tell them. i cried to my mom and begged her to tell me how i was supposed to help my best friend during this time. she assured me over and over again that God would grant me the words, the encouragement and the perfect timing that would be needed to minister to my friend. the next few days were a blur all except the day of the funeral.

october 23rd, the day of the funeral. the day that i saw God's hands in a way i can hardly describe. there were tons of people at the funeral. my other friend and i were seated in the overflow room where we watched the funeral on a screen. there we watched as my best friend, only by the grace and strength of God, stood before the congregation and spoke of the love and life of his father. later on in the funeral, the band played "How Great Is Our God" and it was during this song that i witnessed true faith and trust in God. as the song played, the cameras moved throughout the congregation and finally came to rest on the most amazing thing i've ever seen - my best friend's raised hands. he was singing and praising God with everything he had. tears streamed down my face and i began thanking God for everything i have been blessed with. especially being blessed with a friend who was so passionately in love with Him. i will never forget what i saw that day. that holy moment, that humbling scene, will stay with me for the rest of my life. that is true faith and trust to me.

my best friend will never know how much he means to me. my heart still literally aches for him every day. he has experienced pain and sorrow that i cannot begin to imagine. but yet throughout this time, he has taught me what faith really is. he has shown me how to be fearless for Christ. he points me constantly in the way of Christ and expects nothing less for me than to carry out the will of God for my life. for that, im thankful to be blessed with him in my life. he is my stab of joy.

"I will praise Your Name for Your Love and Your Faithfulness, for You have exalted above all things Your Name and Your Word. When I called You, answered me. You have made me bold and stouthearted." Psalm 138:2-3

my last stab of joy is knowing that i am forgiven. i've made so many mistakes this past year but i know God's mercies are new and everleasting. He takes all of me; every stupid, rash, arrogant, sinful cell in my body. for that i truly know what grace is. i do not deserve the love of God. the inexplainable love that called an innocent, perfect man to give up His life willingly for me. me, the girl who makes mistakes every day. the girl who chooses to make her own decisions without letting God take control first. the girl who stumbles but truly wants to carry out God's will. what have i done to deserve a love like this? nothing. all i can offer is my life and my promise to give everything i am for the glory of God. my promise to carry the light of Christ to places where only darkness reigns. to put my life on the line just to show the love of God to someone. God i give You all of me. my heart is Yours.

"If You, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with You there is forgiveness; therefore You are feared." Psalm 130:3-4

God, you have given me joy that i cannot explain. You wake me up every morning and fill my life with joy. i am blessed beyond words. beyond my wildest dreams. God i give you my life, my all, my everything. use me so that i may share this joy with those around me. let me become a light for You Father. let me fade so others can only see You and the joy that You provide. You, Father God, are my true stab of joy.