for my love.

february 29th - march 2, i'll be in my favorite place in the world with some of my favorite people. folly beach. simpsonville first baptist high school girls retreat. i have never been more excited.

i think i went every year i was in high school but this year is going to be different. i've been asked to help lead this retreat. today i received an email about the theme this year, "Virtuous Reality". our topics this year are hopefully going to help these high school girls to find out what it means to be a woman of God. our topics for the four sessions of the weekend are the Proverbs 31 woman (of course), a woman of worth and purpose, a woman of wisdom and virtuous dating. as i begin praying for each girl on this retreat and for God to prepare my heart to share with these girls, i realize that i must first find out what it really means to be a woman of God. to be the Proverbs 31 woman. to be a woman of worth and purpose. to be a woman of wisdom. and to have a virtuous dating relationship.

i think most Christian women can quote something from the Proverbs 31 woman passage. i know i can quote many verses from it. i strive to be that woman. although i am not married yet, i do hope my husband will have full confidence in me. i want to bring him good, not harm all the days of my life. i cannot wait to serve him. to bring him honor. and to serve Christ with him. that will be my greatest joy. to serve Christ along side my husband. my best friend.

this past Christmas Eve, my dad shared a devotion with my mom, my sister and i where he shared verses that he prays for us. the verses he shared for my mom were the verses from Proverbs 31. as he read them aloud, i saw how much he loves my mom. my mom is an amazing woman. a strong and passionate woman of God. i hope to be like her one day.

every one wants to be considered worthy and to know their purpose in life. i thought my purpose years ago was just to be a 5th grade teacher. but God has bigger plans. i'm going to be a revolutionary. a warrior for Christ. in June i'll be a missionary.

*side track - i just thought of my best friend Heather. i miss her. but while skiing a few weeks ago, heather and i were talking about Jesus coming back and the end of the world. we started talking about the battle that is mentioned in Revelations and Heather looks at me, and in all honesty says, "I hope i get a sword to fight some demons with." Jesus, thank You for my beautiful best friend and her spirit and fire for You.*

okay back to what i was saying. i've always known God valued me as worthy and had a purpose for my life. but He is slowly revealing His purpose for me. i'm so glad that i'm searching for it. He shows me bits and pieces of it daily. and its like unwrapping a present in slow motion. if God just emailed me and told me exactly what i'd be doing for the rest of my life, the search would be over. i'd know. i'd be content. i never want to be content. God is too big and too magnificent for me to be content. if i become content, i stop searching Him. i'd make myself believe that i knew everything there is to know about God. but no. i know so little. and i'm excited about spending the rest of my life still searching and craving to know him. i thirst for Him.

wow. i got side-tracked. that's what God does to me. He blows my mind. i begin searching Him and i cannot stop. i NEVER want to stop. but anyways...worth and purpose. yes. "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies." well...how sweet. but that's a wife. i am not a wife yet. i am a woman of God. my favorite quote from Captivating says that "creation is incomplete without women." yes, true, God saw the earth and everything He made. and it was good. but still it was incomplete. He made women. without us, creation is incomplete. anytime i feel unworthy or just another person, God always reminds me of that. i am worthy. i am a daughter of the King.

"gaze into my eyes and let me know you'd fight thousands for my love. slip your hand in mine and ask me to dance tonight. just ask me for my love..." -Bethany Dillon

i love that. absolutely love that. God wants to romance us. He wants us to fall in love with Him and to know how much He so desperately loves us. not just loves. but looooooooves. God tells me every day. i am looooooved. go ahead. say it out loud. "God looooooooves me." if you don't tell yourself that right now, i'll call you up and tell you. God looooooooooooves you. passionately. desperately. you are loooooved.

so i don't see myself as being very wise. i mean i try. i could probably pretend to come off as wise. my mom always tells me that i was wise from the beginning. i was the little evangelist in our family. i'd take off down the beach giving out cheese its to people. sandy, dirty little hands and all. apparently my passion for feeding the poor started off when i was two. i just wanted to make sure no one was hungry. thank You lord i haven't lost sight of that passion. i should have known then You were going to use me to feed the hungry.

funny story, i also wanted to start a church when i was four. i wanted to call it "High Heavens Baptist Church." yet again, little evangelist here. crazy thing is i still want to start a church somewhere. i'm going to do it before i die. i'm adding that to my bucket list.

but wise. no. i try. i wish i knew all the answers to give someone. all i can do is pray for you. offer advice and words of encouragement that i've prayed God would give me. but i am not wise on my own.

and when it comes to dating. my goodness. i am blessed. blessed beyond words. i've been blessed by God to have an amazing boyfriend. to steal from Ben Folds, "all the wrong turns, stumbles and falls brought me here..." mark and i meeting each other was what i like to call a divine appointment. at the shotgun house, both of us were supposed to be standing in that kitchen. i was supposed to have a pancake in my mouth and telling my roommate that i needed some milk. mark was supposed to walk by and overhear my dumb comment. i still remember the look he gave me. i was so embarassed that a really good looking guy heard me say something incredibly stupid. he looked like he was almost in disbelief and maybe wonder that a girl would say that. but hey. it paid off right? no i usually dont talk with food in my mouth, thats disgusting. but i was just being silly. and thank God mark walked by. and that he actually found me later that night. we talked for about two hours on that front porch. we talked about everything.from a goofy movie to being pastor's kids to coldplay. i walked away that night and felt as though my life was about to change.

but although mark and i both desire to have the perfect relationship. we don't. and we never will. but to have a virtuous dating relationship is something we can only pursue. to have something that honors Christ in everything we do. to see Christ in each other's actions and words. i want mark to look at me and not see me at all but see Christ in me and through me. i want to be beautiful to him because of my passion and fire for Christ. i am so blessed to have someone who loves Christ with everything that he is. i love the fact that mark is so passionate for God. one of my favorite dates that we had was sitting on top of mark's car under a sky full of billions of stars and just sitting. not talking. not laughing. but sitting. and worshipping. taking God in with every breath.

this reminds me of beach camp a few years ago. our speaker, Marcus....Marcus something. i wish i could remember his last name but he was awesome. anways...he reminded us that we are to worship and praise God with all that we are. with every breath we breathe. so when we breathe in, we worship God. we take Him in. when we breathe out, we praise Him. we extol His name. breathe in. breathe out. constant worship and praise.

i love hearing about what God is doing in mark's life. i love the fact that mark prays for me. that he prays for my life apart from our life as a couple. mark prays for me and my daily walk with Christ. i woke up from a nap one day with an IM from mark that simply said, "good morning. i'm about to pray for you. look for a chance to share Christ with someone today." i will never forget that. mark always encourages me to look for a chance to share Christ.

i pray for mark and his passion for Christ. i pray for him several times a day. not only do i thank God for him but i pray that mark will feel God move in him constantly. that God will surround him and pour His love into his life. i pray that mark will be overwhelmed and left speechless by God. that his life will be constantly revolutionized by God. that he will learn new things every day. that his fire and his passion for God will never fade, even the slightest bit. i hope and pray with everything i am that mark will continue to search God. to thirst for Him. to never be content in where he is at. to always want to know more. mark doesn't know this but sometimes when we're hanging out or riding in the car, i'm praying to God for him. sometimes i'll squeeze his hand only to hint at him that i'm praying for him. i hope he gets that.

this may have been the longest blog i've ever written. but i dont care. i hope this helped someone to want to become a woman of God or to want to know how to be one. i'll do the best i can to help but remember i'm learning too. please, please please be praying for this retreat in february. i'm so very excited to be going to folly beach with my favorite high school girls. they're all amazing and i thank God for them every day.